B' Day - 2014

One more year passes and one more time... Greetings on Facebook, WhatsApp, Telegram, email (surprise that we still have it) and even on Linked In this time... Just happy that I was on the minds of so many individuals during these testing times.

On my last b' day, like every year, no resolutions made, but a few minor tweaks to me, my life style that I intended to make, a couple of which am able to continue and as always, quite a few that I missed pursuing. But as always, no regrets as there is no point.

It's been quite an interesting b'day year. Last birth day was so a quite an one when we spent the entire day as a family at Erode and this year only 4 us here in Derby! Well, yes! Could not believe that I said an yes to uproot my family and have them go through the pain of this hard transition in every sense, leaving my root alone, schooling for Nilaa, the reduction in affection for Oviyaa and of course everything for Leela, to name a few; the sacrifices that they have made is tremendous. I just wish that I do some justice for the pain that they undergo.

Yes, it is for my career sake that I did accept this unfamiliar role which was a bit of struggle in this uneasy terrain, but, I think as like everyone, am now up and running. There are a lot more stuff to learn and I would keep running I believe.

I do miss the warmth of being in my homeland and the comfort of knowing that my blood lives just 400 KMS away. I do miss the strength my friends gave me. I do miss the humidity of Chennai, the smell of sea and India at large, but that is the choice that I did make and I'll live with that. That said, I'm fortunate enough to have the same comfort and strength here in the UK! I don't know how mother nature enables me with a life full of good people wanting to see me succeed and lead a good life. I have made enough friends in here so much so at times it really overwhelms me that I cannot manage any time for them. For the affection that is showered on us here in the UK as well, I can only say that we are gifted. 

Last year, I did say that I would keep life simple. I believe it is still simple, though at times I feel a bit suffocated. May be life is a bit on high pace and tougher than what I anticipated, but again no complaints as it is a choice that we made and we will sail through this. It is a learning process and moving another inch to some sort of maturity. The pressure, the stress, the hardships are probably back to me after a long time, but I know I have no other choice than surviving. I, just like anyone else, will keep hoping that the new dawn is going to be just great.

As of what I shall intend to do the following year, I just want to do justice to the sacrifices the ladies have made for my career sake. I'm determined to make it happen. I know life is not easy and it keeps testing me every moment, but I know I'll prevail. So will everyone!

And finally, Thanks to everyone who had me in your thoughts on this day! These positive vibes would make me more determined. Ensure that you keep showering me with your love.. 

Back to my famous lines...

I love to be loved...

I live to be loved...

Regards,

Raj.

5th October, 2013

Frankly, before I started this one, I did go through what I wrote last year just to ensure that I prepare to defend myself should I have given some promises. Thankfully, I made none then!

First up, thanks for all the wishes. It really is a lot refreshing and may be when we are ageing, it is really is heart filling when a lot of people wish you. Doesn't matter where they get the reminder from, but a few seconds in their positive thoughts gives me the energy forever.

This year, of course for all obvious reasons has been very special and it really was a mixed one personally and professionally nothing much has changed.

I probably have started my transformation. Oct 2nd, 2012 was when we confirmed that Leela has conceived and since then, the journey has been really a roller coaster. May be during Leela's first pregnancy, I did not probably understand what a lady goes through during pregnancy and how well men should support particularly during this era of nuclear family. I wouldn't call it tough for I really relished this new responsibility of a caring husband and responsible father, but certainly did challenge me a lot to change myself.

Until January, Leela had nausea trouble and on and off we had the mothers coming and supporting us. However, during the periods when it was not possible, that is when I had felt more responsible. Waking up at 5:00 which was never a chance earlier, getting things ready for my ladies, waking up Nilaa and getting her ready for school and packing her off, then getting Leela feel better to me leaving to office only to return by lunch to take care of Nilaa and of course this was a bit of a run for me and new one too. But I did relish that and enjoyed every bit of it. This period was one when I realized what women go through in their life. My patience running out when Nilaa gets really out of control and Leela not pulling herself up, the normal calm me did lose my control at times. But looking back, that period really did change me a lot. Cannot imagine my life without ladies for they give everything! 

February to April marked the elevation of the next generation in our entire family from being the protected to protectors. Yes, the last two of my grandparents, both my grand mothers passed away in a span of two months. It was sad to let them go, but this is nature and we need to keep moving. What was important in those two instances was that it showed how we as cousins are still what we were. Even after these many years, after all the changes that has happened in our respective lives, with change in priorities, we still care for each other and still stand by each other. This revelation was very charming to know that our cousins have the same shoulder until a decade back and we can look up for each other for comfort. Now, we all realize that, we are the middle generation, our parents moving up to be the eldest of the generations and with our kids coming through, we now are assuming the role of protector of our parents and our kids. This for me, is a bit scary as I was not too sure if I can handle, but that is beauty of Mother Nature. Am slowly slipping into this and most importantly, the elders are giving away that tole to us. 

May was, the ultimate. With Oviyaa coming in, life suddenly is too different and this is when I probably started turning myself into a different person. Life seems a bit more relaxed and am having different perceptions to the challenges that I face both on my personal and professional sides. I hope, I build on this and am very curious to see what the transformed Raj would look like. 

Like what I said earlier, this year has been a very mixed with letting go of our roots while new fruits (as many as 6 Gen next's coming out) being delivered. Our parents are the roots now and we have to become the backbone, trunk of the family. 

The whole of this year, I think my thoughts have been only with my family in ensuring that our transformations were right. I have missed communicating with many a friends, but friends are friends, they understand without having to be told about the problems I face. It's a liberty only friends have! 

My team has been rock solid in supporting me when I went through this. Almost all of them were thrust with new responsibilities and with me not much being around physically for their counseling, they also have grown! In one sense, now they can become the protectors and I can safely be the protected, but am not going to stop.. ;)

This birth day on the 5th was a bit laid back with all of us spending time together as a family at our place with a relaxed dinner and some chit chat. I wish all birth days are similar and it becomes a day of celebration as a family. May be, the Ramzan's, Christmas' and Deepavali's or any other festivals were some sort of family get together's which has now crept into every form of the society.

The next year and the following ones, I probably am going to take it simple and want to take life slowly. For some, it may seem pessimistic, but for people who see my pragmatic side, can understand what I mean. This does not mean am not going to be ambitious or do not want growth or whatever, it is about seeing things evenly with calmness and optimism.

May be, next year the same time, we shall see whether I would be able to get started with this goal.

Having read through this entire stuff, I know you could be saying crap. But, I know (with some sort of arrogance) that am blessed with all your love.

I love to be loved....

I live to be loved....

As Always,

Raj.